Patterned Pants. (and shorts.)

Oh hello.  Remember me? I used to blog about fashiony things and then disappeared for like umm ever. WELL it’s because I’ve been skydiving the Swiss Alps, galavanting across Paris in search of the best bordeaux & croissant combo and swimming in the turquoise waters of the Virgin Islands.

“Ohhh kay Maureen, but what about the other 340+ days you weren’t doing any of those things?” One word: I’m lazy. Okay? That’s two words. Whatever, you get my point, I’m human and somehow my plans to blog turned into plans to go to brunch, or make my own lotion, or lay in bed eating Ben & Jerry’s. We’ve all been there.

But I’m back baby!  And my pants (and shorts) have gotten a whole lot kookier. SO, here we go. Let’s start with the pro’s and cons of patterned pants (and shorts). Can I stop writing (and shorts)? Can you just know I mean both when I say pants? Okay thanks, good talk.

PROS:
1. Patterned pants do all the work. You can wear a plain shirt with them and limited accessories and get loads of compliments on your outfit. LOADS.
2. You don’t have to think about the outfit that much, printed pants, plain T, plain heels, maybe a bracelet or earrings, BOOM outfit done.
3. They seem to always be “in-style” in one form or another. Here’s a pic of Jayne Mansfield from the 1950’s with some leopard pants on:

Jayne Mansfield.

CONS:
1. Everyone will know if you wear these more than once in any given week. Don’t be that guy or gal. These aren’t those M-W-F jeans that blend into the background, so wear once every 3 weeks at most. (Wait, I’m not the only one who has M-W-F jeans right? I mean I wash them! Once in a while….)
2.  That’s the only CON. That’s a 3:1 ratio of pros to cons, so if you divide that by your need for printed pants and multiply it by your budget and add 10 it equals GO BUY A PAIR OF DANG PATTERNED PANTS NOW. Just a little fashion equation for you math nerds.

WORK.

Alrighty, let’s get started with this outfit. I got these pants on super sale at Anthropologie right after Christmas.  It was like Christmas all over again, except santa didn’t pay my credit card bill….which made it not like Christmas at all now that I think of it. But alas, I LOVE these pants.

There is a bit of a springish feel to this outfit with the short sleeves and light colored top, but you can easily turn this into winter wear with a black top, blazer and dark heels. I wore this just the other week to work and got oodles of compliments (I think I am the only person to use the word ‘oodles’ when not referring to noodles, but hey I like to take risks).

Patterned Pants, Silk Blouse, Gold Statement Necklace, Tan Heels.

PLAY.

“Hey wanna go to the bar Saturday night in the city?” Seems like a normal question, ya know unless you live in New England in the winter of 2015 and know that means there is a 104% chance of snow that night and that the only way you’ll feel comfortable is if you dress up as Ralphie’s brother from the Christmas story:

Randy.

WELL snow, you might win most weekend nights and banish me to my couch with Netflix, tea and crumpets (jk I don’t even know what a crumpet is, but not kidding about the rest), BUT not this time. Not only am I going to go out, I’m not going to wear some frumpy dumpy outfit for fear of frostbite. I’M WEARING SHORTS. YOU HEARD ME.

Maybe I should stop talking to the snow now? I’d rather have you all not question my sanity too much (but this conversation isn’t over yet SNOW). So yeah clothing, fashion, back on track, I love the shorts and tights look, kinda sexy, but chic at the same time.  Want to wear this in the summer? No problem. Lose the tights and blazer and wear heels instead of booties and you’re ready to go! That is if summer ever comes {insert angry face emoji gritting it’s teeth here}.

Don’t you ever wish you could just hold up a picture of an emoji to express your feelings rather than talking? Okay off topic again (but seriously) and seriously get some printed shorts! I’ve had these for like 8 years, and I bought them at Old Navy. Refer to Pro #3 above.

Patterned Shorts, Black Capped Sleeve Top, Black Blazer, Black Tights, Booties.

DON’T CARE. (but hey, i kinda care)

Patterned leggings. So fun! Having trouble meeting people? Just wear patterned leggings, that’s what I always say. I’ve never said that, but it’s kind of true, I have a pair of American flag leggings that guys always seem to comment on. In any case it’s a little vacation from your boring old black leggings that you always wear and makes you look like you actually thought about your lazy Sunday outfit a little bit. The epitome of “I don’t care, but hey, I kinda care.”

With the right boots and a longer shirt you can easily trick people into thinking these are real pants or trousers or slacks or something fancier than leggings. And as usual with my ‘don’t care’ look they are super comfy. Having comfort and style together is like having peanutbutter and chocolate together — perfection.

Printed Leggings, Black T, Rust Colored Scarf, Black Socks, Brown Leather Boots, Brown Leather Watch, Brown Leather Wrap Bracelet.

A special thanks to all those who have asked me what happened to my blog, I mostly just write it for fun, but you have no idea how incredibly nice it was to hear that people not only read it, but missed it! So until next time (I promise it will be less than a year), get some patterned pants and go wild. Oww oww!

The Basic Series: The Plain White T

This is the first of an undetermined amount of posts (Ooo so suspenseful) on basic garments what every woman should have in their closet.  This series is inspired by a 4 week EU trip I am taking in June in which I am only bringing a small tote and 20 inch suitcase.  YUP, you read that right.  If you know me well that is generally what I pack just to go to work on a daily basis. Sooo therefore basics are going to be my go-to!

A lot of people think their wardrobe is boring because it is full of “plain clothing,” but in reality high quality, well-fitting “plain clothing” is the best thing you can add to your wardrobe!!  Think Jackie O, Coco Chanel, Audrey Hepburn…now close your eyes and think of someone in your life who you think is super fashionable.  OKAY so next time you see me (or I guess next time you see that other person you thought of instead of me?)  take a good look at what I’m wearing, chances are 90% of my outfit consists of a basic attire (plain white tank, plain black pants, nice jeans, etc.) and not asymmetrical/trendy/printed pattern on pattern stuff.  I jazz up outfits with certain trendy accents, but the basics are the building blocks.  Well-fitted, high quality basics being the key.

With that said, I would say it makes sense to spend more ca$h money on the higher quality basics.  Feel free to get all that trendy stuff at Forever 21 or Target on super sale as it probably will only last a season or two any way.  Just please don’t buy a Hawaiian shirt.  Ever.  Unless of course you are Johnny Depp in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, that man looks good in anything.

For you history buffs out there the T-shirt originated in the military and was worn under uniforms. Ever seen those vintage pics of musclely men relaxing with their white t’s and camo pants on? (hubba hubba) Okay history lesson over, sorry nerds this a fashion blog.

Beginning List of things worth spending extra money on (**if they fit perfectly**:
Jeans
Real Leather Boots
Black Blazer
Black Pants
Basic White T

My faves:

Below are some of my favorite Plain White T’s ranging from least expensive to most expensive (the one in my photos is T by Alexander Wang – I love how soft and comfortable it is, but at the same time it drapes perfectly) :

 

WORK.

Ooo look I combined a lot of basics here (white t, black blazer, black pants) with a statement necklace and trendy heels.  See what I’m saying here?  You can do a ton of mix & matching with these pieces as well.  And I made this T-shirt totes apropes for work (ew did I really just say “totes apropes”).

Plain white T + Cropped Skinny Black pants + Black Blazer + Statement Necklace + Black Heels

 

PLAY.

Hooray Spring weather is here in New England!  Well at least some days out of the week….between the hours of 10-3.  This outfit is semi-casual and is good for a date or frolicking in a meadow of daffodils.

 

DON’T CARE. (but hey, i kinda care)

Don’t I look trendy?  Little do you know this is basically a step above pajamas mwhaha.  I did a little pattern mixing with the scarf and camo toms.  Also, I love the top knot hairdo, super easy, but looks super chic. Do it.

So quick, go out and getcha self a white t before they’re sold out!  If you are nervous about adding it to your repertoire (it can be scary!) go with the Hanes women’s T, and if you like it try one of my other suggestions that fits your body shape well.  Until the next Basic Series post, au revoir (I’m practicing for Paris, I know goodbye and cheese so far..)!

Yoga Pants.

Okay well it’s been a while since I’ve done a post and besides it being the holidays and me going on vacation to the most tropically warm heavenly place and having a hard time adjusting back to reality the truth is I feel like I live in the Arctic. I have lived in New England basically my whole life so I am not sure how I am so shocked at the freezing temps and endless snow we get, but somehow I am. Every  year. And it’s the worst. Every year. And when someone lives in the Arctic it’s super hard to be fashionable.  Because all you want to do is throw on some yoga pants and furry comfy boots and a big giganto thick sweater. Hmm…suddenly I am seeing the connection between my lack of a dating life in the winter as well. SO anyway, I said to myself, Maureen just do a post on yoga pants if that’s what you are wearing 24/7 in Jan./Feb. so BOOM here it is!

Yoga pants, leggings, stretch pants, tomatos, tomahhhtos, call them whatever you want, but they are an amazing invention. They are comforable, versatile, fashionable, AND guys love when women wear them.  These four things are almost never, like ever, in sync with one article of clothing.  You usually get just comfortable and fashionable (think Uggs 5-10 years ago), or fashionnable and guys love (stilletos) or comfortable and versatile (a snuggie). I have been into stretch pants for as long as I can remember, I used to rock the purple ones with the stirrups in 2nd grade. Now I rock neon ones to Crossfit on the daily. These never really go out of style so go crazy and get all different kinds!

Okay, don’t wear them with a unitard.

 

WORK.

These are sneaky stretch pants. If you touch them they feel just like stretch pants and they are as comfortable as stretch pants, but when you look at them they just look like black fancy pants.  I think it’s the fake front pockets and back pockets that do it. In anycase I can wear these to work or take a nap in them, it’s awesome (or take a nap in them at work shhh ;)). Be careful though, don’t go wearing your half see-through leggings to work with a ratty T-shirt, people will notice, and by people I mean HR, and then they’ll have to have that “stop dressing like a homeless person” talk. Trust me on this one. HEY, not because I’ve worn that, because I’m in HR, k? You have to be tricky about it, get a little fancier pair of leggings/jeggings and have your shirt cover your bum a little or you might risk being a little too bootylicious for the office.

Black Leggings, Burnt Orange Jersey Tank, Brown Belt, Draped Cardigan, Black Riding Boots, Statement Necklace.

 

PLAY.

MEOW.  Whenever I wear these pants I feel like Catwoman. They are from Lululemon and I saw them online and before I could buy them they were sold out. It was really, really sad, *sigh*.  #fashionbloggerproblems. Then like some sorta Christmas miracle, months later I went to the store and low & behold on the sale rack were THESE PANTS. I cried, and screamed, and then before they could kick me out for being completely crazy I bought them! They are SO rad, they have mesh cut outs and whether you are working out in them or working it with them you feel like a total bada$$. There are lots of appropriate leggings to wear out and about, pleather looking ones, fancier fabric ones, just something with a little extra sass.

Yoga Pants, Jersey Black Shirt, Leather Jacket, Black Heels.

 

DON’T CARE. (but hey, i kinda care)

These are conversation pants (what does that mean?). Meaning all kinds of random people and strangers on the streets will talk to me whenever I wear these. It’s actually kind of a blessing and a curse depending on the part of the city I’m in. I don’t think I need to tell many people how to wear leggings in a casual way, it’s something you probably do by mistake every time you wear them, that’s why I chose ones with a fun pattern to stand out a bit. I love wearing button down shirts with yoga pants, they give it a little structure and make you look a little less like you are hungover on your way to brunch at college.  You can wear this outfit to the grocery store, straight lounging, or after you got into a chocolate sauce fight (don’t ask).

Aztec Leggings, Chambray Shirt, Chestnut Riding Boots.

So hopefully for my next post it will be a beautiful Spring day where I can leave my cave and wear something not made of fur or sweater, but until then and basically until the end of time I’ll be wearing leggings and yoga pants and stretch pants.  So do yourself a favor and go out and getcha self a pair, or 50!

Men’s Plaid Shirt.

Is there anything that looks better on a guy than a perfectly fitted plaid shirt? (YEAH, no shirt! hmm..good point)   Okay, I don’t know if it’s the colors that bring out their eyes or the fabric that fits their body so well, but when you see a man wearing a perfectly sized plaid shirt, whether on a cowboy, or a lumberjack, or that really hot and manly electrician who you see working at your office sometimes that you just want to smash all the lights and cut all the wires for just so he has to come back again…..you know, just hypothetically speaking…I mean, it’s just a really good look.  It’s such a classic pattern that literally looks good on EVERYONE in some form or another. So guys, seriously, if you don’t own one call 911!! because this is a fashion emergency.  Or you could, I guess, just go to the store and buy one, but do so URGENTLY, this is a social life and death situation. In summary, a plaid shirt is perfect for any guy and for any situation, including, and not limited to, (but I just came up with these scenarios right on the spot) you could wear one to work, at play, or just totally not caring (but caring a little bit.)

You would think it would be real easy for a guy to look fashionable, they don’t have hips or hourglass figures, should be pretty straight forward, but they get themselves into some real trouble when it comes to clothing. My biggest pet peeve is fit, if I hear one more guy say he wants a bigger size of something than what actually fits him because it’ll be “more comfortable” I’m going to punch myself in the face (or maybe something less violent and that doesn’t involve hurting myself?). FACT, a man’s most UNcomfortable outfit is equivalent to a woman’s most comfortable outfit, so suck it up gentlemen!

Boy oh boy did I hit the jackpot with my models. Don’t get me wrong, they are super high maintenance and had demand after demand (chicken wings at the photo shoot, bow staff/nunchuck props in their photos, I could go on, and if anything I am under exaggerating), but wowee they sure did deliver! Here’s a pic from our epic shopping trip so these boys could get their plaid on. An understatement would be to say they made a scene, but luckily I planned ahead and hired two babysitters to tame these wild animals (thanks Nicole and Rachy!).

 

WORK.

Steve is one high demand model, he actually had two photo shoots this past weekend, luckily I booked him well in advance, like a few days ago, phew. Let me tell you something guys, the days of a white oxford shirts with a red striped tie are behind us, time to get creative. I paired Steve’s plaid shirt with a thinner charcoal grey tie, if I could have added one thing I would have added a tie clip, a vintage style that is coming back and makes you look super sharp. You can of course wear this outfit without the tie as well to make it more casual. On the other hand, you can also wear a full suit with a plaid shirt and if it’s a super fancy affair add a matching pocket square for a pop or color, Ooh lala!

Plaid Shirt + Thin Solid Color Tie + Suit Pants + Brown Leather Belt + Brown Leather Oxfords.

Just so you know the difference between a bad work look and a good one, here’s a bad one. Although I do not condone this outfit whatsoever, I more than approve of Fuel for Fire, fruit + protein, healthy and delicious at the same time, that’s like having an outfit that’s comfy and stylish. Perfection.

 

PLAY.

I told Casey to look “playful” and got these two different poses. Very versatile Case, I like.  Ladies, you decide which version of playful you’re into 😉 OH WAIT.. this is a fashion blog…not a weird plaid shirt male dating auction site…right..okay back on topic! I put Casey in a plaid shirt and cardigan sweater (Pullover! No, it’s a cardigan, but thanks for noticing!). Sorry, random movie quotes pop into my head and I can’t resist.  GUYS, you should own a cardigan, they look so good.  Don’t get me wrong, I love the v-neck sweater over the plaid shirt look as well, but a cardigan really says, HEY, I’ve got style. And when you have style you look good, and when you look good you’re confident, and when you’re confident you get all the babes.  Aren’t you seeing the pattern here? Plaid shirts single handedly make you a better person, I can’t make this stuff up. Casey is also wearing a skinnier fit khaki colored denim, and some boots that could be considered fancy or casual, perfect for a casual soiree or night out after a long day on the ski slopes! Hot toddy anyone?

Plaid Shirt + Cowl Neck Cardigan + Khaki Denim + Brown Leather Boots.

 

DON’T CARE. (but hey, i kinda care)

I know what you’re thinking, “Oh my goodness gracious, did Maureen get the real life Paul Bunyan and Babe the blue ox to model for her blog!?!” No, no, but I got the next best thing, Nick and Oscar! Very classic look here, Nick has on a more relaxed fit jean, comfortable, yet stylish, and some casual boat shoe style boots. Did you say comfortable AND stylish, OH, yes I did boys, it’s possible so I hope you’re taking notes. We rolled his sleeves up just a bit to show off his masculine wrists and went with no undershirt because honestly, it actually looks more put together without one. With this classic look just be sure, and I know I sound like a broken record here, but I beg of you, please be sure your shirt fits properly. None of these flimsy wimsy baggy waggy shirts, or worse, ones that are bustin’ at the seems. These don’t go out of style so just invest a little extra ca$h into one that feels good and looks good, you won’t be sorry I promise. (If you’re sorry though, don’t come crying to me, honey badger don’t care). Oh come one, Oscar is just working that plaid scarf, not much else to say there, he was born to model.

Plaid Shirt + Relaxed Fit Jeans + Casual Brown Leather Shoes.

A special thank you to my models, Steve, Casey and Nick, for looking so damn good and putting up with my fashion blogger demands, you guys are the best!  And all you guys out there, let me know if you have a suggestion for another male post and maybe you can be my next fashion model!

Vests.

Okay you caught me, I did something a little bit different here, I didn’t use the same type of vest for each look, but it’s still one garment and I still intend to work, play and not care in it so let’s all embrace the change together! Yeehaw! (I never, like ever, say yeehaw, but it seemed right here)

Move over Stefan Urquelle, Steve Urkel had the right idea with this vest.  As long as he doesn’t talk or move he can slay with the ladies in this nerd chic outfit.  But seriously, vests are a super fun way to change up your look and add a little bit of uniqueness to your wardrobe.  Since you don’t have any sleevies (for your armies haaaa) you can layer with scarfs, shirts, etc. which kind of fools people into thinking you are more stylish than you really are.  Something about the multiple pieces of clothing just screams “Hey everybody, come and see how good looking I am!”

Did I do that? (<–you all just said that in a nerd voice) Yup. You did do that Urkel, good job. For once.

 

WORK.

Like my profolio?  Looks real professional, huh?  I could secretly be reading a trashy celeb gossip magazine and you’d have no idea because you’d be too focused on how sophistacated that vest looks, am I right?  Okay, shut up Maureen.  This outfit reminded me of a pilgrim, although if I wore this back in pilgrim days I would probably be hanged for being such a trampy scalawag witch.  Luckily for all of us those days are over and I can wear this freely to work and ain’t nobody going to tell me not to, not even HR, probably because I am HR, but either way suck it pilgrims.  Hmm….maybe I should say something serious about this outfit now since I guess this is a fashion blog.  This is a Men’s wear isnpired vest (think suit/tux vests) and I love it.  I have had it for years and can wear it with pants or skirts.  I try to contrast the skirt or pants to avoid having it look like I am wearing a man’s suit, since you know, I’m a lady.

Tailored Vest + White Blouse + A-line Skirt + Grey Tights + Suede Heels

 

PLAY.

I just want to go to the place where the beer flows like wine in this vest, you know… a little place called… ASPEN!  So one of my Crossfit Friends was asking me what they could wear on a date to a football game, for those of you who don’t live in New England, it’s stupid cold this time of year.  This can be a real tricky situation, you can end up looking damn good clothing wise, but like a smurf skin wise because you are freezin your buns off OR you put on so many layers your date isn’t sure if he’s dating a girl or an angora bunny (please refer to reference photo below).   Not good looks.  So to stay hot while looking hot a vest is always a good choice!  A fur vest is shockingly warm, those animals have the right idea (btw my fur vest is not real fur, don’t throw red paint on me! k?), but a feather down vest can also be a good choice, and paired with a scarf/jeans/leggings you will actually have a shape to your body which is always a plus.

Fur Vest + Henley Shirt + Jeans + Leather/Gold Chain Belt + Suede Booties

Taking fluffy to a new level.

 

DON’T CARE. (but hey, I kinda care)

What am I looking at?  Who cares, I don’t care, I have my I don’t care clothing on.  This vest is made of sweater…okay BUSTED I don’t know what material it is but here’s a funny movie quote to make up for it (What’s the soup du jour?  It’s the soup of the day.  Mmmm sounds good I’ll have that!).  As with most sweaters, except for the ugly itchy Christmas sweater variety, it’s warm and cozy.  I like to wear colored jeans to add some contrast and these maroon colored ones with the grey were perfecto.  This outfit is comfortable enough to hang around the house, but also can be warn to a casual dinner/drinks in the winter.

Sweater Vest + Jersey Knit Shirt + Maroon Jeans + Chestnut Boots

 

So the moral of the story is in-vest in a vest. See what I did there?  You won’t be sorry, vests are kinda always in style in some form or another and if they go out, hold onto it because they are coming back baby!

Black Blazer.

If you knew my Grampa you would know he didn’t really go anywhere unless he was wearing a 3-piece suit.  For 93 years he did this.  This proves that the blazer itself has been around for years and years and is such an iconic staple for a man or woman to add to their wardrobe.  Okay fine if you don’t believe my Grampa you should believe Coco Chanel, because she always had on these blazers to die for.  So I am going to wishfully assume you all own a tailored perfectly fitting black blazer, one that you would die for.  If you wouldn’t die for your blazer then divorce it, stat.  If you don’t own one, then I’m disowning you.  k bye.  Or just go buy one and we can be friends again (I’m sucha pushover).

Did ya notice my pics look more professional this week?  YUP, I’m rich and famous now and eat only caviar and take champagne showers.  Or my Dad is a photographer and took them for free.  I mean which sounds more realistic?  You decide.  I’ll just keep poppin bottles.

First things first.  Wearing a blazer can go terribly terribly wrong.  There are really only two rules to follow, seems simple, but somehow people turn simple into scary.

Rule #1:  Your blazer should be structured/fitted/tailored, if you are blowing dust off it from the 80’s or you lost 40 lbs and think it still looks okay, BUY a new one.  Or borrow Marty McFly’s time machine because no one will want to be your friend in that in the present (the truth hurts, I keeps it real).

Rule #2: You should definitely own a plain black blazer since it’s so versatile, but you can also get fun with different colors, details, or if you’re feeling really crazy different patterns.  But please know when too much is….too much.

 

WORK.

You probably don’t have to wear a blazer everyday to work, ya know unless you have one of those circus jobs like a lion tamer, ring master or lawyer, but they are fun to incorporate here and there to add some variety and so your interview only suit actually gets some wear out of it.  I like to mix and match the pants/blazer colors to avoid looking too conservative and matchy matchy.  Unless you have an interview or client meeting you are risking looking like Miss Trunchbull from Matilda (see picture below).  If I see you dressed liked Miss Trunchbull from Matilda I’m going to sit you down and make you eat an entire chocolate cake.  You’ve been warned.

Black Blazer + Button-down Shirt + Slacks + Heels.

 

PLAY.

Don’t pack away those mini skirts for the winter ladies, you can easily pair them with a blazer and head out on the town lookin H-O-T hot and also feel nice and hot with those long sleevies.  Okay, you probably will still be cold, so put on a jacket until you get in the bar dummy, but you will definitely stand out next to all of those girls in black skinny jeans.  It’s a good look because the blazer is saying “Hey, I’m a smarty professional pants”, but then the mini skirt says “Hey I’m here to party hardy.”  Try not to talk to your clothes too often, or use this as a pick up line, unless you are having a contest with your friends to bring home the creepiest weirdest weirdo in the bar.  You should also incorporate pepper spray into your ensemble if you are participating in this contest.

Black Blazer + Black Tank Top + Sequin Skirt + Heels.

 

DON’T CARE. (but hey, i kinda care)

Okay I cared a lot this week, but seriously I can’t wear a blazer with black leggings because I will probably look like a weird penguin.  Like, not the cute animal, the guy from Batman.  The key to making your blazer more chilled out, maxed, relaxed and cool is to roll up the sleeves.  Bonus points if you have a cute lining on the inside.  I just have a super soft semi-baggy t-shirt on under there which is always so comfy and sometimes hard to wear anywhere without looking all raggedy ann(“but she wore a jumper not a t-shirt Maureen.”  Just SHUTUP you know what I mean).  I like to wear this on casual Fridays to work (yup. a don’t care look to work instead of a work look to work, so sue me) so I can come home, take off the blazer and jump right into my “I really don’t care, I’m watching a movie and eating ice cream for dinner” look.

Black Blazer + Grey T + Scarf + Suede Flats.

Okay to summarize if you don’t own a black blazer go buy one, NOW!  These puppies literally never go out of style.  These puppies below also never go out of style AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!

Fishnet-esque Tights

Name the Halloween Movie this quote is from:
Winifred Sanderson: Don’t get your knickers in a twist! We’re just three kindly old spinster ladies.
Mary Sanderson: Spending a quiet evening at home.
Sarah: Sucking the lives out of little children!
[Winifred chokes Sarah]

Happy Halloween!! I love Halloween and I love tights. Fishnets were the closest thing to a Halloweenish garment that I could think of without looking like a complete weirdo (since I already act like one, dressing like one will no doubt get me thrown straight in the looneybin). Who says looneybin? Anyways, I mean cat ears + tail can easily be dressed up for the office, but COME ON, there is no way I can be comfortable in those things for my “Don’t Care” look. In anycase I know a lot of women already wear plain black tights, which are great, but why not give your outfit a little boomshakalaka (<— I’m getting ultra desperate for fun adjectives) with patterned tights!

Let’s talk about the good, the bad and the ugly of fishnets. But let’s start with the bad:

When I wear a fanny pack…oh that’s right I never wear a fanny pack. Go home Dos Equis Man, you’re drunk.

Now let’s see the ugly:

Boxers shouldn’t wear full body tights. Correction, NO ONE should wear full body tights. The end.

Okay here is the GOOD, horray!  First, here is a close up of the tights I am wearing in these pics, since my super duper expensive high tech camera (my iphone — I’m returning this thing!  Just kidding iphone, i love you and get anxiety attacks when I don’t have you for 5 seconds) can’t seem to capture it very well:

 

WORK.

Fishnet (even esque) Stockings to work can be a little tough, you don’t want to end up looking like you came off the set of Pretty Woman. “Ohhh I love that Movie, I would love to be Julia Roberts in that, that would be soo great.” Okay stop. The movie was amazing, but seriously, get. it. together. She was a PROSTITUTE, you need a new role model stat. Okay back to the look, so I would avoid tall black high heeled boots, at least to work with patterned tights, something just screams “witchy” about that. Booties on the other hand look great! Since the tights are kind of edgy wear something that has a little bit of sweetness to it, lace, ruffles, bows. I try to do this with basically all my outfits to get a happy medium between a straight up Burlesque S&M Chick and Little Bow Peep. Hmm…I’ve lost you haven’t I? It made sense in my head! Just mix edgier fabrics/details with softer ones, kay? Let’s just forget I said that other weird thing, yeah? Okay cool.

Fishnet-esque Tights + Pleated Skirt + Fitted Sweater + Booties.

 

PLAY.

Tights with shorts?  I could never pull that off!  I hate that phrase, OF COURSE you can pull it off.  Just don’t get out your cut offs unless you’re going to the sexy halloween cowboy rodeo party (<–this is a real thing, no it’s not), you need a more tailored pair of fancy pancy shorts.  I also wore leather with suede here on purpose, a little edgy and a little not edgy, gett ittt?  I feel like a lot of us girls turn to jeans when it starts getting cold, but this is a fun way to incorporate shorts when it gets a little chilly and you’ll stand out from the crowd.  Well.. nothing else to say about this pic.  Just your run of the mill generic fashion photo.

Fishnet-esque Tights + Leather Jacket + Bronze Shorts + Jersey Top + Suede Heels

 

DON’T CARE. (but hey, i kinda care)

Hey, why don’t you come a little closer pumpkin?  Umm YEAH… I think I need to go on a date.  This skirt is literally made out of the same material as yoga pants so don’t go looking at it thinking I’m not comfortable here.  The top of this outfit kind of says “I’m so cuddly and snuggly and fluffy” and the bottom says “oh heyy”  so together it’s the perfect outfit  for cuddling up with that “special” someone or “not so special, but happens to be there at the time” someone 😉

Fishnet-esque Tights + Cable-knit Sweater + Chunky Scarf + Suede Boots.

Welp that’s all folks.  And suddenly I’m quoting Porky Pig?  Have a fashiontastic halloween and oh in case you wanted to see what I dressed up as, check out the pic below.  I don’t usually reccommend wearing a hamper covered in red cloth, but on halloween almost anything goes, Cheers!:

Hamper + Red Cloth + Foam + Paint = Bloody Mary

 

Plaid Shirt.

Plaid, Flannel, Tartan, Gingham, Stripes, who knew there was such confusion with these patterns/fabrics until I started talking about doing this blog post.  Wow people! I thought it was common knowledge, but I shouldn’t be too surprised as I asked 5 guys if they knew the difference between a skirt and a dress and 3/5 got it wrong… SO there’s that.

Seems like everyone these days are wearing plaid:  hipsters, farmers, Scottish men, me, and now YOU (<– if that sounds a little bit forceful, it’s because it is.  YOU WILL JOIN MY PLAID CULT, say it with me).  The plaid shirt is also adrongenous, but HOLD ON boys do not wear these looks below, I have some other ideas for you and maybe, just maybe I’ll do a blog post about it hmmm.

 

WORK.

Plaid to work??  But, Maureen I’m not a Scottish lumberjack farmer, it won’t look business professional.  Oh, YES it will.  You just need to accompany it with more refined and tailored pieces.  In fact I actually made this outfit into a preppy look with the pearls.  Just don’t wear your wide leg dress pants with the plaid shirt untucked and flats or I WILL call the police.  The fashion police and the regular police because you are obviously on drugs.  Plaid can add some colorful accents to your all black career wardrobe (a lot of you were probably like damn, she’s right all my work clothes are black).

Plaid Shirt + Navy Pencil Skirt + Cardigan + Nude Heels.

 

Who says plaid can’t be a little bit sexy?  OH.  Al Borland.  Good Point.

 

PLAY.

Okay, okay I’ll refrain from buying any plaid lingerie, but you can sex it up a little bit with a sassy little dress. Plaid is a fun way to add a little color and pattern to a plain outfit that you wouldn’t generally get from a coat or cardigan.  And btw I decided I love the leg warmer/tall sock exposure with boots thing.  So do it.  This outfit is semi-casual fun and flirty so go to semi-casual places and have fun and flirt in it.  You could go apple picking, pumpkin picking, drink apple hard cider, drink pumpkin beers, make apple crisp and carve your pumpkin in this outfit.  What fun!

Plaid Shirt + Black Asymmetrical Jersey Dress + Scarf + Waist Belt + Leg Warmers + Chestnut Boots.

 

DON’T CARE. (but hey, i kinda care)

I like to say this outfit is hipster chic.  And by “like to say” I mean I literally just thought of that as I was typing it out.  It’s comfy and warm, but still looks a little tailored and the cuffed jeans make it look like you put some effort into it (little do people know cuffing jeans only takes about 27 seconds mwhahah).  Also if it gets hot in here I can just take off all my clothes. WAIT WHAT!? I mean my sweatshirt…sorry I often think and speak in old school Hip Hop lyrics without even realizing it.  The plaid shirt looks just as snazzy (<– grampa slang) without the sweatshirt as well (refer to the pic below, that guy nailed it!).

Plaid Shirt + Light Crewneck Sweatshirt + Cuffed Jeans + Converse.

 

I mean look how trendy plaid really is, just last week I went to this party and ALMOST everyone there had it on.  This was a complete coincidence. Definitely not a themed party in which I came up with the theme.  Nope.  Definitely not.

Get ready for next week’s MAUREENIE HALLOWEENIE SPECIAL!!  It’s going to be trendtacular!!

Animal Print Cardigan.

“Leopard print is really HOT right now” – My dad

Oh btw this is coming from a highly conservative man who considers wearing a hunter green sweater over his white collared shirt instead of a navy one a “fashion risk.” So to say the least I was a bit, uh, skeptical of his “oh so confident” statement on the latest trends.

WELL turns out he has been sneaking episodes of Project Runway in between Red Sox games and Political Television because low and behold I googled “Fall Fashion Trends 2013” and WABAM (I promise to completely make up one word per post) – Animal Prints:

So I chose to highlight the animal print cardigan this week, but seriously, shopping around this weekend I have never seen so many options when it comes to animal print. Skirts, scarfs, dresses, coats, moo moos, you name it, get something with an animal print if you don’t own one already (don’t get the moo moo), this trend comes and goes as fast as a cheetah runs (that sounded stupid, but I’m keeping it).

 

WORK.

So ladies and gentlemen just when you thought animal print was too ferocious for the office…it’s…not (Okay fine I need to work on my innuendo punch lines). It’s actually really elegant, I mean look at Audrey Hepburn and I here, we’re just ridiculously sophisticated (okay she is, I look sophistically ridiculous).

She inspired this outfit with these two pictures. I took the classic black dress (if you don’t have one of these run to the store NOW, lbd’s ((if you don’t know what lbd’s are, you can’t be saved)) (((how many parenthesis within parenthesis is she gonna do?))) are a staple!) look and I made it a bit edgier with this sassy leopard cardigan. I also stayed with the Hepburness theme with the pearls, but added a bit more glammy glamness to it with a crystal and bronze necklace.

Animal Print Cardigan + Little Black Dress + Pearl Necklace + Bronze/Crystal Necklace + Classic Black Heels

 

PLAY.

Who says you need a shirt under a cardigan anyways? Oh. Your mother and grandmother and all those other conservative types, well forget them tonight, you’re going out on the prowl!  RAWR. Kept this outfit pretty simple, just black skinny jeans with some eye-catching heels.  I wouldn’t wear just the cardigan with a skirt or pair of shorts though, you don’t want to mix a low cut shirt with something short. Leave something to the imagination for goodness sakes, you don’t want to be mistaken for a cougar….or maybe you do, in which case you may be on the wrong website.

Animal Print Cardigan + Black Skinny Jeans + Gold Heels

 

DON’T CARE. (but hey, i kinda care)

I mixed prints a bit here, which can be tricky.  I have a casual white T with a black & white large rose on it and a more condensed animal print patterned cardigan.  That’s one way to do it, larger pattern with smaller pattern with complimenting colors.  Also, do you like how my hands are in my pockets? Doesn’t that just scream “Hey I’m cool, I’m casual, I don’t care, but I kinda care?”  Yeah I thought so!  My wonderful photographer (and roommate) was making fun of it, but let’s get real, I look like I’m straight out of an Osh Kosh Bgosh Catalogue.

Animal Print Cardigan + Casual T + Distressed Jeans + Flats

My final piece of advice, don’t overdue it with the animal prints. An accent piece is enough. Unless you’re a real cheetah or leopard, then have at it, we won’t judge you. But if you’re a human you will risk looking like this:

Woof.

Fall Dress.

I bet you all thought I was a headless blogging wonder, huh?  Welp I’m risking losing my sympathy viewers here, but surprise! I have a head.  I actually got my act together and did my hair/make-up on a Sunday so deemed it okay to have it posted to the blog this time.

So, this week’s garment, the fall dress.  I love tricking people with dresses.  That sounds weird, but what I mean is when you wear a dress people automatically think you are semi to super dressed up, without even trying too hard.  But here’s the big secret they don’t know about, dresses are easier than jeans + shirt or any other 2 piece ensemble and a lot of times more comfortable.  It’s one article of clothing, throw it on, BOOM instaoutfit.  No matching, no thinking, no whats, no buts, no coconuts, it’s awesome.

WORK.

I am almost convinced that you could throw a statement necklace and blazer on a burlap sack and it would look sophisticated.  Hmm….burlap sack…future blog post idea, I think so!  When I am wearing a plainer/color-blocked outfit like this one I like to pair patterned or bright colored heels with it to make it a little bit more zingy (I know what you’re thinking, “really? zingy, Maureen? that’s what my Grandpa says to describe a bowl of chili). Actually, a lot of times I will plan an entire outfit around the shoes themselves.  A lot of guys do this too, I hear them all talking about it and planning their Monday outfits during half-time on Sundays.

Fall Dress + Statement Necklace + Blazer + Houndstooth Heels

PLAY.

So check out that watch.  I “borrowed” that from my friend Casey when we all went out the other night.  It wasn’t my fault, the tequila made me do it, which is strange because I thought tequila was supposed to make your clothes fall off, but apparently it makes me put more on.  Sorry I’m not THAT sorry Casey, I LOVE that watch 😉  So back to the dress, I like the belt around the waist because it makes it look a little bit more put together and gives you a nice hourglass shape.  Boots with dresses are one of my favorite looks and you only have a small window in Sept/Oct when you can wear them without tights so hussle to your closet before they predict a Halloween blizzard!   PS – Also a good accessory, dogs.  Dogs are a good accessory.  With almost any outfit. (<3 you Layla)

Fall Dress + Printed Scarf + Brown Leather Belt + Suede Boots

DON’T CARE (but hey, I kinda care)

Holy cow this outfit is comfy.  Like I want to wear it to watch tv, to bed, in the shower, everywhere. I didn’t even change out of it after I took these pics when I went to the grocery store.  I risked one of my thousands of followers seeing me at Whole Foods and getting a sneak peak of this week’s post. Don’t worry, I didn’t run into any, PHEW that was a close one.  The leggings make you warmer, but also allow you to sit totally unladylike without anyone singing “I see London, I see France” (you know the rest) and you feeling like the town hussy.  Okay, don’t you just wanna snuggle up by the fire with a cup of hot chocolate (with fluff in it!)  in this outfit?  Or ya know with your husband or boyfriend or whatever instead of the hot chocolate if you’re into that.

Fall Dress + Oversized Knit Cardigan + Leggings + Fluffy Knit Scarf + Flats

Stay tuned for next week’s post, it’s going to be wild RAWR!  (stay tuned?  What is is this an old timey radio show?)