Fishnet-esque Tights

Name the Halloween Movie this quote is from:
Winifred Sanderson: Don’t get your knickers in a twist! We’re just three kindly old spinster ladies.
Mary Sanderson: Spending a quiet evening at home.
Sarah: Sucking the lives out of little children!
[Winifred chokes Sarah]

Happy Halloween!! I love Halloween and I love tights. Fishnets were the closest thing to a Halloweenish garment that I could think of without looking like a complete weirdo (since I already act like one, dressing like one will no doubt get me thrown straight in the looneybin). Who says looneybin? Anyways, I mean cat ears + tail can easily be dressed up for the office, but COME ON, there is no way I can be comfortable in those things for my “Don’t Care” look. In anycase I know a lot of women already wear plain black tights, which are great, but why not give your outfit a little boomshakalaka (<— I’m getting ultra desperate for fun adjectives) with patterned tights!

Let’s talk about the good, the bad and the ugly of fishnets. But let’s start with the bad:

When I wear a fanny pack…oh that’s right I never wear a fanny pack. Go home Dos Equis Man, you’re drunk.

Now let’s see the ugly:

Boxers shouldn’t wear full body tights. Correction, NO ONE should wear full body tights. The end.

Okay here is the GOOD, horray!  First, here is a close up of the tights I am wearing in these pics, since my super duper expensive high tech camera (my iphone — I’m returning this thing!  Just kidding iphone, i love you and get anxiety attacks when I don’t have you for 5 seconds) can’t seem to capture it very well:

 

WORK.

Fishnet (even esque) Stockings to work can be a little tough, you don’t want to end up looking like you came off the set of Pretty Woman. “Ohhh I love that Movie, I would love to be Julia Roberts in that, that would be soo great.” Okay stop. The movie was amazing, but seriously, get. it. together. She was a PROSTITUTE, you need a new role model stat. Okay back to the look, so I would avoid tall black high heeled boots, at least to work with patterned tights, something just screams “witchy” about that. Booties on the other hand look great! Since the tights are kind of edgy wear something that has a little bit of sweetness to it, lace, ruffles, bows. I try to do this with basically all my outfits to get a happy medium between a straight up Burlesque S&M Chick and Little Bow Peep. Hmm…I’ve lost you haven’t I? It made sense in my head! Just mix edgier fabrics/details with softer ones, kay? Let’s just forget I said that other weird thing, yeah? Okay cool.

Fishnet-esque Tights + Pleated Skirt + Fitted Sweater + Booties.

 

PLAY.

Tights with shorts?  I could never pull that off!  I hate that phrase, OF COURSE you can pull it off.  Just don’t get out your cut offs unless you’re going to the sexy halloween cowboy rodeo party (<–this is a real thing, no it’s not), you need a more tailored pair of fancy pancy shorts.  I also wore leather with suede here on purpose, a little edgy and a little not edgy, gett ittt?  I feel like a lot of us girls turn to jeans when it starts getting cold, but this is a fun way to incorporate shorts when it gets a little chilly and you’ll stand out from the crowd.  Well.. nothing else to say about this pic.  Just your run of the mill generic fashion photo.

Fishnet-esque Tights + Leather Jacket + Bronze Shorts + Jersey Top + Suede Heels

 

DON’T CARE. (but hey, i kinda care)

Hey, why don’t you come a little closer pumpkin?  Umm YEAH… I think I need to go on a date.  This skirt is literally made out of the same material as yoga pants so don’t go looking at it thinking I’m not comfortable here.  The top of this outfit kind of says “I’m so cuddly and snuggly and fluffy” and the bottom says “oh heyy”  so together it’s the perfect outfit  for cuddling up with that “special” someone or “not so special, but happens to be there at the time” someone 😉

Fishnet-esque Tights + Cable-knit Sweater + Chunky Scarf + Suede Boots.

Welp that’s all folks.  And suddenly I’m quoting Porky Pig?  Have a fashiontastic halloween and oh in case you wanted to see what I dressed up as, check out the pic below.  I don’t usually reccommend wearing a hamper covered in red cloth, but on halloween almost anything goes, Cheers!:

Hamper + Red Cloth + Foam + Paint = Bloody Mary

 

Plaid Shirt.

Plaid, Flannel, Tartan, Gingham, Stripes, who knew there was such confusion with these patterns/fabrics until I started talking about doing this blog post.  Wow people! I thought it was common knowledge, but I shouldn’t be too surprised as I asked 5 guys if they knew the difference between a skirt and a dress and 3/5 got it wrong… SO there’s that.

Seems like everyone these days are wearing plaid:  hipsters, farmers, Scottish men, me, and now YOU (<– if that sounds a little bit forceful, it’s because it is.  YOU WILL JOIN MY PLAID CULT, say it with me).  The plaid shirt is also adrongenous, but HOLD ON boys do not wear these looks below, I have some other ideas for you and maybe, just maybe I’ll do a blog post about it hmmm.

 

WORK.

Plaid to work??  But, Maureen I’m not a Scottish lumberjack farmer, it won’t look business professional.  Oh, YES it will.  You just need to accompany it with more refined and tailored pieces.  In fact I actually made this outfit into a preppy look with the pearls.  Just don’t wear your wide leg dress pants with the plaid shirt untucked and flats or I WILL call the police.  The fashion police and the regular police because you are obviously on drugs.  Plaid can add some colorful accents to your all black career wardrobe (a lot of you were probably like damn, she’s right all my work clothes are black).

Plaid Shirt + Navy Pencil Skirt + Cardigan + Nude Heels.

 

Who says plaid can’t be a little bit sexy?  OH.  Al Borland.  Good Point.

 

PLAY.

Okay, okay I’ll refrain from buying any plaid lingerie, but you can sex it up a little bit with a sassy little dress. Plaid is a fun way to add a little color and pattern to a plain outfit that you wouldn’t generally get from a coat or cardigan.  And btw I decided I love the leg warmer/tall sock exposure with boots thing.  So do it.  This outfit is semi-casual fun and flirty so go to semi-casual places and have fun and flirt in it.  You could go apple picking, pumpkin picking, drink apple hard cider, drink pumpkin beers, make apple crisp and carve your pumpkin in this outfit.  What fun!

Plaid Shirt + Black Asymmetrical Jersey Dress + Scarf + Waist Belt + Leg Warmers + Chestnut Boots.

 

DON’T CARE. (but hey, i kinda care)

I like to say this outfit is hipster chic.  And by “like to say” I mean I literally just thought of that as I was typing it out.  It’s comfy and warm, but still looks a little tailored and the cuffed jeans make it look like you put some effort into it (little do people know cuffing jeans only takes about 27 seconds mwhahah).  Also if it gets hot in here I can just take off all my clothes. WAIT WHAT!? I mean my sweatshirt…sorry I often think and speak in old school Hip Hop lyrics without even realizing it.  The plaid shirt looks just as snazzy (<– grampa slang) without the sweatshirt as well (refer to the pic below, that guy nailed it!).

Plaid Shirt + Light Crewneck Sweatshirt + Cuffed Jeans + Converse.

 

I mean look how trendy plaid really is, just last week I went to this party and ALMOST everyone there had it on.  This was a complete coincidence. Definitely not a themed party in which I came up with the theme.  Nope.  Definitely not.

Get ready for next week’s MAUREENIE HALLOWEENIE SPECIAL!!  It’s going to be trendtacular!!

Animal Print Cardigan.

“Leopard print is really HOT right now” – My dad

Oh btw this is coming from a highly conservative man who considers wearing a hunter green sweater over his white collared shirt instead of a navy one a “fashion risk.” So to say the least I was a bit, uh, skeptical of his “oh so confident” statement on the latest trends.

WELL turns out he has been sneaking episodes of Project Runway in between Red Sox games and Political Television because low and behold I googled “Fall Fashion Trends 2013” and WABAM (I promise to completely make up one word per post) – Animal Prints:

So I chose to highlight the animal print cardigan this week, but seriously, shopping around this weekend I have never seen so many options when it comes to animal print. Skirts, scarfs, dresses, coats, moo moos, you name it, get something with an animal print if you don’t own one already (don’t get the moo moo), this trend comes and goes as fast as a cheetah runs (that sounded stupid, but I’m keeping it).

 

WORK.

So ladies and gentlemen just when you thought animal print was too ferocious for the office…it’s…not (Okay fine I need to work on my innuendo punch lines). It’s actually really elegant, I mean look at Audrey Hepburn and I here, we’re just ridiculously sophisticated (okay she is, I look sophistically ridiculous).

She inspired this outfit with these two pictures. I took the classic black dress (if you don’t have one of these run to the store NOW, lbd’s ((if you don’t know what lbd’s are, you can’t be saved)) (((how many parenthesis within parenthesis is she gonna do?))) are a staple!) look and I made it a bit edgier with this sassy leopard cardigan. I also stayed with the Hepburness theme with the pearls, but added a bit more glammy glamness to it with a crystal and bronze necklace.

Animal Print Cardigan + Little Black Dress + Pearl Necklace + Bronze/Crystal Necklace + Classic Black Heels

 

PLAY.

Who says you need a shirt under a cardigan anyways? Oh. Your mother and grandmother and all those other conservative types, well forget them tonight, you’re going out on the prowl!  RAWR. Kept this outfit pretty simple, just black skinny jeans with some eye-catching heels.  I wouldn’t wear just the cardigan with a skirt or pair of shorts though, you don’t want to mix a low cut shirt with something short. Leave something to the imagination for goodness sakes, you don’t want to be mistaken for a cougar….or maybe you do, in which case you may be on the wrong website.

Animal Print Cardigan + Black Skinny Jeans + Gold Heels

 

DON’T CARE. (but hey, i kinda care)

I mixed prints a bit here, which can be tricky.  I have a casual white T with a black & white large rose on it and a more condensed animal print patterned cardigan.  That’s one way to do it, larger pattern with smaller pattern with complimenting colors.  Also, do you like how my hands are in my pockets? Doesn’t that just scream “Hey I’m cool, I’m casual, I don’t care, but I kinda care?”  Yeah I thought so!  My wonderful photographer (and roommate) was making fun of it, but let’s get real, I look like I’m straight out of an Osh Kosh Bgosh Catalogue.

Animal Print Cardigan + Casual T + Distressed Jeans + Flats

My final piece of advice, don’t overdue it with the animal prints. An accent piece is enough. Unless you’re a real cheetah or leopard, then have at it, we won’t judge you. But if you’re a human you will risk looking like this:

Woof.